Christian Home
Essentials for a Christian Home
(Taken from the Open Bible, Thomas Nelson Publishers)
The threefold responsibility of an earthly father is (1) to have God’s truth govern his heart – there must be heart reality, not mere external conformity or ceremony; (2) to have God’s truth govern his home – this is evidenced by the fact that the father teaches the truths of God’s revelation to his children by both formal (teach diligently) and informal (talk to them) instruction; and (3) to have God’s truth govern his habits and conduct personally, privately and publicly. In short, the home is to be a divine school in which the father is to be the teacher, under Christ.
The Role of the Wife
1 Peter 3:1-6 describes “subjection” to her husband as a fundamental responsibility of the married woman. The wife is to submit to the authority of her husband, not to men in general. This does not mean the wife is by nature inferior to the husband. In marriage two people become one through the joining of their intellects, their emotions, and their wills. To keep their special union from fracturing and destroying itself, one member is charged to lead and one to submit. The wife’s submission to her husband is her “adorning, which makes her truly beautiful. This inner beauty is of great value in God’s sight. The believing women of the Old Testament who hoped to be the human channel for the Messiah to come into the world made themselves beautiful by being in subjection to their own husbands. This is supremely illustrated in the relationship between Sarah and Abraham. Wives are exhorted to do what Sarah did, to be in subjection to their husbands, letting the consequences rest with God, and thus become Sarah’s daughters. For the wife who will do this God promises that if her husband is either an unbeliever or out of fellowship with God, her subjection can be the very means God will use to bring her husband into a proper relationship with God. The wife’s submission may lead to the husband’s salvation.
The Role of the Husband:
Paul tells the husband to love his wife (Eph 5:25), while Peter tells the husband to dwell together with his wife (1 Peter 3:7). The husband cannot live with his wife as Peter says unless he loves her in the way Paul means. The love that the husband is commanded to have for the wife is not primarily sexual or emotional (though both of those concepts are involved); it is a love that loves in spite of the response (or lack of it) in the one loved. It is the kind of love that God has for the world and is the fruit of the Spirit. A husband can only love his wife properly if he is a Christian and under the control of the holy Spirit. The two responsibilities the husband has in the family are to dwell with his wife according to knowledge and to render to his wife the honor that is due her because she is his wife. To “Dwell together” with his wife means that the husband must take his wife into every aspect of his life. There are to be no areas of his life where there are signs that say, “Private, husband only – wife keep out.”
The husband is to perform his two duties for a spiritual purpose: “that your prayers be not hindered.” The man who is not taking his wife into every aspect of his life and rendering to her the honor that is due her because she is his wife cannot communicate with her in the way that God intended; hence, he cannot communicate with God either. To make sure that the channel of communication with God is open, the husband must make sure that the channel of communication with his wife is open. Only in this way can he truly love his wife as God intended and manifest his headship properly.
The Role of the Children:
Both the Old Testament and the New Testament agree that children (till they becomes adults) have only one responsibility in the family – to obey their parents. The admonition of Solomon is more fully explained by Paul in Ephesians 6:1-3: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’ “Children” is an inclusive term. It is not a matter of either sex or age that is involved. God’s will for children is that they are to obey their parents. The expression ‘in the Lord’ does not limit the responsibility only to the circumstances where the parents are believers. Col 3:20 clearly points out that children are to obey their parents ‘in all things”, not just in those things pertaining to Christian living. “In the Lord’ more properly is understood to mean by the Lord or because it is the Lord’s directive (that is what God says children are to do). ‘For this is right’ indicates that for children to obey their parents is righteous or Godlike. Such obedience is perfectly illustrated by God the Son who was completely obedient ot God the Father, even though that obedience resulted in His death.
Two things are promised to children who obey their parents: it will be well with them – they will have a happy life; and they will have a long life. These are the two things that children want most, and obedience to parents is the only way to assure them. That is why this is the first commandment with promise; from it springs all the other important issues of life. Children who have not learned to obey their parents, who are God’s representatives in the family, will not learn to obey God.
The Role of the Parens:
While fathers are identified as the parents responsible for setting the pattern for child rearing, others usually do much more of the training and instructing of families’ children. Mothers and fathers need to agree on their approach to child rearing and support one another in their efforts with their children. Both parents are to be obeyed and honored equally by their children. Parental responsibility is set out in two ways: First what they are not do – ‘do not provoke your children to wrath.’ Parents are not to over discipline in a reign of terror that will result in bitterly hostile children or children who give up on life (Col 3:21). Second, what parents are to do – “but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” To ‘bring them up’ involves three ideas:
- Parenting is a continuous job. As long as a child is a dependent, parents are responsible for rearing them so they become the people God wants them to be.
- Parenting is a loving job. To ‘bring up’ means literally ‘to nourish tenderly.’ Children should be objects of tender, loving care.
- Parenting is a two-fold job involving 1) nurture (lit., ‘child training’) – all that children need for physical, mental, and spiritual development – and 2) admonition (lit., ‘corrective’ discipline of the Lord.)
Fathers and mothers are God’s constituted home authority to nurture children along godly paths and to admonish them away from ungodly ones. Fathers and mothers who do not discipline their children are parents who are themselves undisciplined and disobedient to God’s will.